Sunday, February 21, 2010

Train From Hades!

I am an adventure fiend, as well as an adrenaline junkie. Personally I do enjoy the time-to-time “dumb stunts” that tend to get me in a bit of a pickle. I do seam to walk into predicaments, in fact the greatest compliment any one has ever given me is “you pulled a Lucy” after my greatest idol Lucille ball, that yes got her-self into some amazing situations. In fact, looking back I pulled quit a few doozies that could put Ball to shame, and which have resulted in numerous talks from the parental unit as well as thinning of my piggy bank. In fact, I pride my self in how I actually get myself out of those situations. This trip has been an opportunity to get myself in some interesting situations to say the least, but I have a particular experience that will forever be ingrained into my innocent mind for the rest of my natural life.

Trains, when I think of trains I like to picture my self on the Hogwarts express with a handsome person next to me…preferably Daniele Radcliffe, but any British person would work. Of course with my luck I landed my self on the train straight from Hades, in fact I am 100% sure that I saw Satan driving the train! Instead of getting wasted for Carnival, my roommates and I decided to go meditate at the world-renowned monasteries in the mountains in Meteora. Booking tickets on the midnight train sounded like a great idea, 11 euro, heck that was cheaper than the Mimosa I had last night. But of course the gods had something else planned for us…FML! Lets just say I would rather watch all SAW movies in a graveyard with Palin, Bush Cheney and Rove then have got on that train. Like any horror story it started out peacefully, innocent passengers on a train going to monasteries, seriously what could possibly go wrong? Lets play a game I give you scenarios and you guess what the train offered…if you guess correctly you win.

Scenario A. People smoking weed in the corridors

Scenario B. People offering you weed…for a price of course, 50 Euros for a joint…. hells no.

Scenario C. People mating/having sex/doing the “no pants dance”/ fucking/whatever you want to call it, in the bathrooms

Scenario D. People going at it in the halls (refer to scenario C)

Scenario E. People offering you to have sex with them for money

Scenario F. People shooting up in the halls

Scenario G. People shooting up in the bathrooms

Scenario H. People doing lines in the bathrooms

Scenarios I. Creepers snorting other unidentified substances

Scenario J. Creepers grabbing at you and staring at you

Scenario K. Cigarettes all over the floors

Scenario L. All of the Above

If you answered Scenario L you win, you can now pay for my intense shock therapy, because that trip just landed me 50 years on the couch.

I have never been so freaked out in my life, I am a rash person who rarely over re-acts (no comments please.) But as I feverishly wrote my will to my parents just in case I died on that fucked up train, I realized that I am never going to ride a train again…. forget Daniele Radcliff and the Hogwarts express. I was offered overly priced drugs, while at the same time mistaken for a prostitute, while I almost got stuck with a needle. I am not really sure what this says about me, of course my brother and sister (aka Liz) might find this humorous, but I didn’t think I fit the drug/prostitute profile…. in fact I though I fit a completely different profile, I mean I am sure if it weren’t for the whole atheist thing I could pass as a nun…. well maybe. Forget adventures, next trip I will hire a donkey if I have to. The only way you are ever going to get me on another train is if I’m unconscious. There is no moral of this story, in fact my advice is to NEVER take a train anywhere when it’s dark, especially in Greece unless you into sex, drugs and moving vehicles, or have a death wish. The only thing that I learned is that my greatest fear is no longer ants, but now trains…. all I can say is FML! Dear god, story of my life.


  1. Oh Maria, I needed to laugh today! Thanks, but please don't do stupid things for my benefit. I do have a really good story for you next time we talk about a very boy and a tampon.

  2. Hey, Maria, I think I sent my comments about what I am bringing you to Greece to someone else. It was great talking to you today. I bought the wipes, Reese pieces, star bursts, and will get your laundry soap this week. It was hard reading about that train trip after hearing about it while you were actually on it via cell phone text. Hang in there, girl, on the things you miss. When you get home, you will miss a lot about Greece. Looking forward to seeing you in 10 days!!!!

  3. LiZ! Whats up with the Pic? We were so little like 15 I think! Dear god please destroy the original!